Something In The Water
by fc2001
Summary: An alt-universe fic set after series 7 - three couples in the ER face the same situation.....
1. Default Chapter

"Something In The Water"  
  
I was inspired to write this by the surreal events of series 7 when Chen and Elizabeth were both pregnant at the same time. The events are unlikely I know, but it's a fantasy world I live in so just spare me some artistic licence. Kind of an alt-universe fic set about a year after Ella's birth. Three couples in the ER are faced with the same situation...  
(**** - denotes a change between couples. One couple is obvious - see if you can guess who the other two are. All will be revealed, this isn't the end)   
I own nothing and no - one (except of course the growing fetuses!)  
  
"Hi, Mark,"  
She sat by the bed, folding her hands on the sheet in front of her. He blinked and focussed on her face vaguely. She wasn't sure how much he knew or understood anymore but she hoped he still recognised her. Otherwise, she was  
going to make things very complicated. He'd relapsed about 6 weeks ago, rapidly. It was inoperable this time. He was dying, it was just a matter of when. Which was why this supposedly joyous time was so difficult for her.  
"Mark honey, can you hear me?"  
She waited for a response, any response to indicate he understood her.  
"It's Elizabeth. I've got some good news for you,"  
She spoke slowly, as you would to a child, in the hope that he'd understand her.  
"I think I'm pregnant again,"  
The silence wounded her. He was supposed to be pleased, delighted, happy. He couldn't show her any emotion. He couldn't even show her any recognition. But she had to tell him anyway. She'd decided she was having this baby one  
way or another. She knew it wouldn't be easy but her last pregnancy had been a suitable template for difficulty.   
"It'll be nice for Ella to have a brother or sister, won't it?"  
Why did she keep asking questions? It was just hurting her more and more. She needed to talk to him, to tell him this. He deserved to know even if he wouldn't see his child. She knew he wouldn't. Even if he did - he wouldn't know what was going on. She felt herself begin to cry at the desperation of her situation.   
"Of course, I still have to make sure. I'll come and see you when I know,"  
She stood up and bent to kiss his forehead. His skin was still warm, but his heart was cold. She didn't know if he still loved her but she'd never stop loving him.   
****  
"What on earth is wrong?"  
She decided feigning ignorance was the easiest way to avoid the inevitable awkward conversation. She wanted to delay that as long as possible.   
"Huh?"  
"You've been avoiding me,"  
Just leave me alone, she thought bitterly.  
"No, I haven't..."  
She protested turning to face him, and in that instant knowing that there was no way she could continue to lie to him the way she had been.   
"Yes, you have,"  
She said nothing, staring straight at him, too nervous to speak.  
"Is something wrong?"  
"What? No!"  
"You're hiding something,"  
Why did he know her so well? She cursed herself for a second.  
"You don't need to know,"  
"Don't you trust me?"  
"Of course I do,"  
"Then for Gods sakes tell me,"  
She swallowed her fear, and took a deep breath. This was the time.   
"Right, and promise me not to go off at the deep end..."  
"I promise,"  
"I'm pregnant,"  
It felt better out in the open. She watched his face for any sign of a reaction.   
"Excuse me? Pregnant?"  
He spluttered, sounding horrified.  
"I said don't overreact..It's not quite..."  
"I don't consider this overreaction. Considering the bombshell you just dropped, I mean, we've only been together a month and a half,"  
Don't jump to conclusions, she thought, let me explain. She was about to break his heart. It wasn't his child she was carrying.   
"Let me explain...can I get a word in?"  
She demanded angrily. He continued, forcefully questioning her with his words and his eyes. It scared her, what she had to do now.  
"How long?"  
"12 weeks. I've only known for two,"  
She sounded ridiculously calm about it. She wasn't inside she was a seething mass of nerves and frustration.  
"12 weeks?"  
"If you'd let me explain,"  
"Well, go ahead,"  
"Look, it obviously isn't your baby, that doesn't take a mathematician,"  
He shook his head, his face a mask trying to hide the devastation inside. She felt so evil in that second. What kind of a person was she?  
"No,"  
"It's the result of a one night stand,"  
"You..? You aren't like that?"  
"No, not normally,"  
"Carry on,"  
"The real reason isn't important, it just happened. You can guess the rest. I'm not expecting you to accept this child but I can't get rid of it,"  
That put him in an awkward situation. She knew which way out of it she expected him to take. All men would run a mile, she didn't think he'd be any different. She was well prepared to be dumped.  
"I wouldn't ask you to,"  
"Good,"  
"Well, I guess there's not much left to say,"  
"I guess not,"  
He turned and walked away from her. She stood for a minute, collecting herself. Tears stung at the corners of her eyes and momentarily she despised the life inside her. She despised it for making her let go of the only thing she  
had in her life which made sense.   
****  
"Somethings bothering you..."  
His voice annoyed her. She felt like screaming but stayed calm. She was perfectly happy on her own, working away, without being reminded of her misery.  
"I'm fine,"  
She stated slowly, breathing heavily.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Honestly, nothing,"  
She didn't trust anybody when they said "honestly" and she doubted he'd buy it either. She had been acting strangely the past weeks but she had every reason to. She was worried, but not worried enough to tell him yet. She was  
terrified of being hurt again.   
"Care to share?"  
"Let me sort it out alone will you?"  
She wheeled angrily. She saw only deep concern etched on his face.  
"You sure you can?"  
"I can try,"  
"You are worrying me,"  
"I'm worrying me,"  
She was. Why couldn't she just admit she wanted, no, needed help? She couldn't do this alone again. Not after last time.   
"Tell me what's up, I wanna help,"  
"It's nothing. I'm stressing about nothing,"  
"Come on,"  
He encouraged gently. She didn't feel pushed. It was going to come out eventually anyway.  
"I'm late,"  
"What?"  
"I think I'm pregnant, with child, in the family way,"  
"I repeat..what?"  
She registered the same shock on his face as she felt inside when she realised.   
"My thoughts exactly,"  
"How..I mean...?"  
"Form sentences! I don't know,"  
She snapped angrily.  
"Make sure, I mean, are you sure?"  
"I don't miss periods often,"  
Her tone was biting. He took a step back from her.  
"Test?"  
"Not yet, give me a chance will you?"  
She wasn't ready to know for sure yet. Then there would be a decision to be made and she hated that. She would hate herself more than she already did. She couldn't have a child. She couldn't do that to herself.   



	2. No Matter What

"No Matter What"  
  
It's a short chapter, I know, but I've only just started work on this one and I'm not entirely sure where it's going. Give me time. Erm, this one follows 3 hrs after chapter 1 and it does only involve two couples. (PS - Chen never had Michael in this story 'K - weird I know)  
  
It was about 3 hours since she'd dropped the terrible bombshell. It broke her heart to think she'd just ended the special relationship they had. She tried to work, but she couldn't concentrate.   
"You forgiven me yet?"  
She turned at the sound of his voice. It was nice to hear, even if inside she was still steeled for the worst.  
"Forgiven you?"  
She smiled because he was. He walked over to her.  
"For going off at you like that,"  
"Well, it was my fault,"  
"True,"  
"Look, it's O.K. I shouldn't have told you like that, it wasn't the best way to handle the situation,"  
There, she'd said it, she rarely admitted she was wrong. The look on his face told her he thought the same. She allowed herself a small smile. The light in his eyes surprised her, they were full of the same love she always saw when she  
looked at him. Her stomach turned a somersault. Maybe this wasn't the end after all.  
"I'm glad you told me though,"  
She searched his expression, his tone for any hint of irony and found none. He was too genuine sometimes.  
"You are? You maniac,"  
"What?"  
"Why would you want to know your girlfriend was pregnant by another man?"  
She knew she sounded incredulous. His tone was soft, loving, warm. She was comforted by that.  
"Because I care about you..I want to be with you,"  
"And the baby?"  
"What? I can't love it cause it isn't mine? It happens all the time,"  
"Sometimes you are too good to be true, you know that?"  
Her voice was full of the overwhelming gratitude she felt inside. How had it taken her so long to see how wonderful he was?   
"Besides, there's plenty of time for all that later,"  
"Oi!"  
She hit his arm playfully.  
"You aren't going to stop at one are you?"  
"I don't know yet!"  
That depended on the pain thing, she thought. If this hurts as much as they say it does then you're out of luck, mate, she thought. She didn't mean it. One day, she'd be overjoyed to carry his child.  
****  
"You know, if I am pregnant, I can't have the child,"  
She said, trying to be matter of fact about it. She was sitting on the old couch in the lounge, watching him tidy the fridge. Being helpful wasn't usually in his nature.  
"Why?..Oh, you mean...don't be ridiculous,"  
He started to ask the question then realised.   
"I'm not! It's a very real risk,"  
She defended herself angrily.   
"And there's every chance the baby will be normal too,"  
"I can't look after another Mum,"  
She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. Crying about what-ifs wouldn't help anyone. She didn't even know yet. She didn't have the courage to do the test.   
"I understand that. You can't kill a child on the offchance though can you?"  
"I have,"  
Her voice was tiny, but it echoed through her mind endlessly. Those words hurt her. Every time she thought about it it hurt her to remember.   
"What?"  
He stopped what he was doing and wheeled to face her. She elaborated, watching his face fall as she said the words.   
"I've already had an abortion once,"  
"When?"  
"When I was married to Richard. I never told him,"  
He sat in a stunned silence. She felt the need to explain herself   
"It's not that I don't want children...look, some people aren't meant to be mothers,"  
She repeated the words she'd first uttered to her mother. There were too many risks involved in her starting a family. She wasn't strong enough yet.   
"You are though I know it,"  
She knew he was trying to make her feel better. She knew he believed in her. It would have helped if she had the same belief in herself.   
"I couldn't have done it..couldn't have raised a child in that marriage...what makes this any different? How do I know this won't end as badly?"  
The desperation in her tone was only half of how she felt inside. Doubts waged war with love inside her and she hated every moment of it.   
"For a start, I'm not Richard. Whatever happens, I won't leave you, or the baby. I can be relied upon for some things in life,"  
She wished she could believe him 


	3. All The Small Things

I know it's moving slowly, that's the general idea. I just hope it isn't boring. I think the couples might be becoming a little more obvious but I don't know.  
  
She cried when she read the results. She sat down on her bed and she cried. She couldn't do this...she couldn't. She tried to pull herself together. She contemplated abortion, before realising that she felt it was the cowards' way out in this situation. She couldn't kill her baby, she wasn't strong enough. She wanted this baby and she would keep it. She thought of her husband, laying on the hospital bed, a vegetable. He wouldn't recover from this. It was medically impossible. After a few moments, she picked up the phone. Tentatively, her fingers shaking, she dialled her mothers number. She needed support, any support, and her mother, she decided,was the natural choice. She wasn't going to get in touch with Isobel until Mark died but she needed someone now.  
"Hi, it's Elizabeth, mum,"  
She half-gasped the words through her tears.   
"Elizabeth? What's wrong?"  
"I...it's complicated..."  
"Tell me, darling, I have all the time in the world for you,"  
Her mother was still trying to make up for lost time.   
"It's Mark,"  
"Oh no..Elizabeth..he isn't..?"  
"He isn't dead, mother, not yet."  
She hated those words "not yet". They made inevitibility all the more stark.   
"He's dying, he had a relapse,"  
"Oh God..Elizabeth, are you alright?"  
"No, mother, I'm not. I'm pregnant again,"  
She heard her mother gasp on the other end of the line.  
"You poor darling,"  
She, surprisingly, hadn't felt sorry for herself yet. She knew she probably had every reason to but she hadn't thought about herself yet. She had thought about her baby, her children first and foremost.  
"Can you help me..? I don't have anyone..."  
"Elizabeth - you don't have to ask. I'll get the first flight,"  
Elizabeth felt a weight lift from her mind. Her mother would come. They didn't get along. That was putting it mildly. But she knew her mother wouldn't abandon her the way everyone else had. She heard Ella stir in the other room.  
"I've got to go. Ella's awake. Phone me from the airport, I'll come and get you,"  
She put the reciever down. Padding through to the other room, she lifted Ella gently into her arms. She was nearly a year old now.   
"You're going to have a baby brother or sister, aren't you a lucky girl?"  
Ella looked at her mother, unconditional love in her deep blue eyes. She didn't understand what Elizabeth was saying. Elizabeth often talked to Ella. Ella listened without condition and she needed that. Elizabeth smiled and ruffled  
the deep auburn hair.   
"Oh, Ella,"  
Elizabeth sighed heavily. If only Ella could understand. Innocence was all too brief.  
****  
Waiting was the worst thing. She needed certainty. One way or another this wasn't going to be easy.   
"You're waiting on these aren't you?"  
She felt the folded paper pushed into her hand. Shaking slightly she unfolded the A4 sheet. Her eyes read down quickly, taking in the information. She nearly fainted in relief.   
"What? What does it say? Speak to me,"  
She looked up, smiling.  
"It's negative. No baby for me,"  
She was glad she knew for sure. Another time and another place then maybe she would have been disappointed but not now. Right now she was completely over the moon not to be pregnant. No difficult decisions. More importantly, no  
pain, no morning sickness or swollen ankles. She definitely wasn't ready for all that.   
"Oh,"  
He sounded disappointed. She knew she'd gotten his hopes up and he had prepared himself to be a father.   
"Look, I know you'd gotten yourself all wound up..."  
"Nah, it's cool. Another time maybe,"  
She laughed and nodded, thanking heaven for the end of the anguish.She felt utterly stupid for waiting so long to take the test. She just hadn't had the courage. She was glad he'd pushed her into it finally.  
"Yes, another time,"  
****  
"You want anything?"  
There was no answer from the bathroom. He felt bad about going to work and leaving her feeling so rotten but he had to go. He closed the door quietly, unable to bury the guilty feeling he had inside. She eased herself up slowly,praying she wouldn't be hit by yet another wave of nausea. Morning sickness was supposed to be over at the end of your first trimester she thought bitterly. She was in the middle of her fourth month and still suffering. She'd been fine for the 12 weeks previously. She lay on her couch, unable to move any further. She was drained, dehydrated. He'd had to go to work, she'd heard his question but been unable to answer. She didn't think about the baby much, to be  
perfectly honest, she just took each day as it came. She wasn't sure what she'd do once the baby was born or how much maternity leave she'd have to take.She didn't want to know the sex of her baby, although the OB had told her  
she could tell. She wanted the surprise. The phone rang abruptly in the silence. Reaching out one weakened hand she lifted the reciever.  
"Hello,"  
"Jing-Mei? You sound terrible,"  
"Mother,"  
She sighed. This was all she needed. Her mother didn't know about the pregnancy yet.She was stalling on telling her, partially because she knew what the reaction was likely to be.   
"Are you ill?"  
"Yes, mother, I have been,"  
"Will you be alright? Is someone with you?"  
"I'm not a child anymore,"  
She tried not to shout in frustration but it was difficult. The words came out very forced. She decided to tell her mother now. She couldn't hide it forever. Before she heard the response, she began to speak.  
"I've got something to tell you,"  
"Oh..Jing-Mei..you aren't?"  
Don't jump to conclusions. She knew her mother did and always would. She could practically hear the wedding bells in her mothers head.  
"No, mother, it's not that,"  
"You're pregnant aren't you?"  
Her voice came out very small, very submissive, although she knew she didn't have to be.  
"Yes. I'm pregnant,"  
"How could you be so stupid? You've only been with him a couple of months,"  
Rather than explain and get more scorn poured on her, she decided it was safer to live the lie. Let her mother think it was his, what harm could it do?  
"Yes, well, it's my life,"  
"You're keeping the baby I assume,"  
"Yes. I am,"  
"Does he want it?"  
"As much as I do, mother,"  
She knew her tone was condescending, it was supposed to be.   
"Oh, well, I'll tell your father,"  
The reciever clicked down. She almost see the disgust on her mothers face and hear the angry words her father would have to say. She didn't care if they disowned her. They never could face that she was running her own life now and she was actually doing quite well for herself.a 


	4. Finally Found

"Finally Found"  
  
Usual disclaimers apply  
  
"I told Mother,"  
He smiled at her. She swallowed hard and continued.  
"I let her think it was yours,"  
She admitted sheepishly.  
"O.K, so now lying to your parents is part of this,"  
"It's safer if she doesn't know, she'll think I'm a slut,"  
"Am I expected to make an honest woman of you or anything?"  
"No, no don't be silly,"  
She was startled by the question, unsure whether his tone was serious or whether he was joking.   
"Eventually...maybe?"  
There was a distinctly hopeful note in his voice. She hadn't ever considered marriage until now. It hadn't ever seemed like a possibility for her.  
"My mother may expect you to but my mother and I are from different generations. I have different values to her. I'm glad enough just to be with you,"  
"What if I want to?"  
"That is up to you,"  
She smiled, feeling in that moment incredibly lucky.  
"Have you told Weaver yet?"  
She looked at the floor suddenly, not wanting to face up to that reality. Weaver would have to know eventually.  
"I think she knows,"  
"Are you going to tell them the truth?"  
"Not if I don't have to,"  
He looked at her strangely.  
"Well, what's the point in explaining it to them all when it would be far easier to let them think it's yours and avoid the hassle? It won't do anyone any harm,"  
Apart from him, she thought. How was he coping with this really? She knew outwardly he was trying to stay strong for her but what about on the inside? Cause this couldn't be easy for him.  
  
She finally managed to catch a quiet moment with Weaver hours later. She wrung her hands nervously, running over exactly what it was she needed to say again and again.  
"Yes, Jing-Mei?"  
Her boss pushed gently, and she knew she had to speak now.  
"There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about,"  
Sub consciously, she ran her hand down her side and paused slightly at her midriff. She wasn't showing that much yet.  
"What is it?"  
"Kerry, I'm trying to tell you I'm pregnant,"  
"I thought so,"  
Chen drew her eyebrows together and felt altogether slightly puzzled. She'd wound herself up over nothing.  
"I thought this would be a big deal,"  
"Well, if you're keeping the baby, and I'd assume you are.."  
Chen nodded to confirm.  
"Well, then, it's within your rights to want to be a mother."  
"But...."  
"It puts you behind on your residency but you're committed enough to make it up once the baby's born if that's your wish. I want you to do whatevers right for you, and I am happy for you,"  
Chen was pleasantly surprised by her bosses out-of-character reaction.  
"I haven't mentioned it to anyone else,"  
"I won't tell a soul. But you might have to soon,"  
"I know. We just want to keep this private as long as possible,"   
It wasn't an outright lie, she never stated he was the father. She just let them assume. There was no harm there. Was there?  
****  
"Is there something going on we don't know about?"  
Abby questioned her old friend the first moment she found herself alone with him. He'd been acting strange for weeks, and Jing-Mei was acting even stranger.   
"Huh? What?"  
He wheeled to face her, looking trapped.  
"There's no need to look like that...it's an innocent question,"  
Yeah, right, Abby, who are you trying to fool?  
"Everything's fine,"  
She sensed he wasn't saying anything out of a sense of duty, out of loyalty and she admired that in him.  
"You've been acting strange for weeks now..."  
She pushed gently. There was a genuine love and happiness in his eyes. He'd found his "one" she guessed.  
"It's nothing. I can't say,"  
"What? You're marrying her?...John, she isn't...?"  
Abby mouthed the last word melodramatically. She couldn't bear to think of that being correct.   
"Oh, Abby...Yes, she is,"  
He sighed relieved. It had been weighing on him for a long time now, veiled in secrecy. She looked at him and saw his smile and felt happiness and pride mingle in her uncontrollably.  
"That's wonderful news,"  
She did mean it. One day, it would be her, just not today. And there was a sadness in her that she wasn't courageous enough to be a mother yet and Chen was.   
"No one else knows..."  
The conspiratorial tone didn't pass her by. She nodded her agreement.  
"I won't say anything,"  
And with that she left. Back to work. Back to normality.  
****  
"Do you want me to go with you?"  
Her mother had arrived, as promised, on the next flight in. Elizabeth had been, for virtually the 1st time ever, glad to see her, glad of the support.   
"No, no it's O.K. I've got a shift anyway so...if you can take care of Ella for me..."  
"Can I get anything? Shopping? Something for the dinner?"  
"No, there's plenty in the freezer. I have still been eating you know,"  
Elizabeth put her hand on her stomach. She couldn't neglect herself, couldn't harm her baby that way.   
"I know. I'm just trying to help,"  
"It's appreciated...I must be going, he'll be expecting me,"  
Elizabeth closed the door behind her and slid the key into her coat pocket. He wouldn't be expecting her but she liked to think that. It gave her a reason to  
keep going to the hospital to see him time and time again. Otherwise she would barely have reason to get up in the mornings. The day was bitterly cold  
but she didn't feel it anymore. She climbed into her car and began the slow drive in. 


	5. Standing On The Edge

"Standing On The Edge"  
  
Usual disclaimers apply. Title is Feeder song from Echo Park (2001)  
  
One day, midway through her 6 month, the call came that she'd been dreading.   
"Elizabeth, I think you should come down here,"  
"What's happened?"  
"Just come down, I'll explain when you do,"  
Despite her advancing pregnancy, swollen ankles and general misery, she hauled herself down to the hospital. They wouldn't have called if it wasn't serious. She was worried for Mark. She didn't want him to die by himself. She'd promised herself that she'd swallow all her fear and be there when he passed on. She wouldn't forgive herself if he died and she wasn't there. She walked, or by this stage, waddled into the private room. He wasn't awake. He'd slipped into a coma overnight. She sat down beside his bed and began talking to him softly.  
"The baby woke me up this morning. It feels like he's playing football with my bladder, see, there he goes again,"  
She lifted his limp hand and placed it on her stomach. She knew he wouldn't respond, couldn't respond. She knew she was trying to hold out hope in the hopeless.   
"Did he ever talk to you about his wishes?"  
"What?"  
She looked up, startled by the interruption. The nurse was softly spoken, respectful. Elizabeth was grateful for that.   
"Did Mark ever express any wish not to be kept alive once the illness reached this stage?"  
"We never really talked about it. I thought he was cured the last time so I never really mentioned it,"  
The nurse nodded gently.  
"The doctor'll be in in a minute to talk things over,"  
Elizabeth nodded. She lifted Mark's hand and placed it back on the bedcover.   
"Anyway, he's a far more active baby than Ella was,"  
She referred to her baby as "he" although she didn't know what sex it was. She knew Mark had always wanted a son. He'd adamantly believed that Ella would be a boy. He loved his two daughters, Rachel and Ella, with all his heart but a boy would make his family complete.   
"Dr Greene?"  
A voice prompted from the doorway. Elizabeth looked up.  
"I'm Dr McKinley. I've been looking after your husband,"  
"Yes, we've met,"  
"I'm sorry we weren't in touch sooner about his deterioration it took us all by surprise,"  
You're not kidding, she thought.   
"I'm not going to offer you any false hope, Elizabeth, you're a doctor, you'll know if I fob you off,"  
She nodded uneasily.  
"Mark slipped into a coma last night. We did brain stem tests this morning and found virtually no activity. He can't breathe for himself,"  
"No, I know,"  
"Did Mark ever tell you what he'd want in this situation?"  
"We discussed it a long time ago,"  
"Can you remember what he said?"  
"Has it come to this? Is this it?"  
Dr McKinley smiled sadly at her. She saw pity in his eyes. He nodded slowly.  
"I know there's nothing you can do for him. I know he isn't in any pain. I don't think he'd want to live like this,"  
"Do you want us to withdraw treatment?"  
"Can I think about it?"  
Elizabeth rose to leave. She wanted fresh air, craved it in fact. The doctor stepped out of her way, his eyes fixed on her pregnant belly. Yes, I'm having a dead mans baby, she wanted to yell, what do you think about that? She walked out into the street, got a couple of steps down the block before someone caught up to her.   
"Elizabeth, has something happened?"  
"Mark slipped into a coma last night,"  
"Oh,"  
There was very little else to say in a situation like this.  
"I have to let him go,"  
"You don't have to.."  
The attempted words of comfort trailed off into the noisy street, useless.  
"It's not right to keep him alive,"  
She stated, choking back painful tears. She didn't want to make this choice. It wasn't fair that she had to.  
"What about Rachel?"  
"Rachel's only a child."  
"She doesn't have a say?"  
"She won't understand. She wouldn't know what he would have wanted. And anyway, I'm his legal next-of-kin,"  
"She might help,"  
"I doubt it. I love this man more than I've loved any other, but I can't let him live like this. It isn't right. He isn't ever getting better,"  
"Oh, Elizabeth,"  
She had tried not to cry but she couldn't help it.   
"I'll phone Rachel, I will, she needs to know,"  
She scrubbed her face hard with the back of her sleeve.   
"Come on, you can use the phone in the lounge,"  
She felt herself guided back into the ER. The walls echoed memories of him hollowly. She was chilled to the core by it. The phone screamed out at her but she couldn't get up the nerve to dial. Eventually, her fingers found a life of their own. She considered putting the phone down before anyone answered but decided that was cowardly.   
"Hello,"  
"Rachel? It's Elizabeth,"  
She'd never been Mum, or even Aunt. Rachel was too old for that.  
"Hi, Elizabeth, how are you?"  
"Not so good,"  
"It's dad isn't it?"  
Rachel sounded very childlike. Elizabeth suspected she only be confirming the girls worst fears.  
"Yes. Rachel, he's really bad. He's in a coma."  
The girl gave a strangled sob.  
"Can I come...to see him before he dies?"  
"Rachel, I don't know when he's going to die,"  
"I want to see him,"  
The words came almost petulantly through the tears. Elizabeth knew Rachel was genuine.  
"It's O.K, honey, you can see him."  
She did her best to pacify the distraught girl.  
"Is Jen there?"  
"Why do you want to speak to her?"  
"Can I?"  
"Yes,"  
She heard the reciever passed over.  
"Elizabeth? What's happened?"  
"Marks worse, Jen, and Rachel wants to see him,"  
"How bad is it?"  
"Jen, he's dying, that's been how bad it's been for months,"  
"Do you think she should?"  
"I think you should make that decision. Give me a ring and I'll make sure someone picks her up from the airport,"  
She put the reciever down. She didn't relish talking to Marks ex-wife. It wasn't personal, it just felt awkward especially now.  
****  
She doubled over again as the baby kicked.   
"Deb?"  
She straightened up breathing heavily.  
"Yeah,"  
She fiddled with the chart she was holding, fully expecting the lecture which would follow.   
"You O.K?"  
"I'm fine. The baby's just reminding me it's there, as if I could forget"  
He looked doubtful, concerned.  
"I don't think you working is a good idea. Anything could happen - you know what this place is like. It's dangerous for you and the baby,"  
She had told him again and again she didn't want to give up work until she absolutely had to. She felt fine, a little washed out occasionally. She wasn't allowed in on traumas now. She was doing minor cases, sutures and lots of chart review. It was hardly stressful. He worried about her and she appreciated that but she was in control.   
"I'm not doing anything unduly stressful, it's O.K,"  
He looked at her doubtfully.  
"It's O.K. I know what I'm doing,"  
"You don't have to work, Deb, you could rest. It'd make it far easier to bear,"  
"What you mean is that you'd worry less about me?"  
She asked, half joking. His face was still etched with conern.  
"Look, trust me, will you?"  
"I don't want to lose either of you,"  
He was so deeply genuine that she forgot momentarily that he wasn't the father. She felt guilty every time she thought about that.   
****  
"Kind of makes you glad it isn't us, huh?"  
Abby watched the disagreement with a morbid interest. He was being over-protective and she sensed he knew it. She didn't even want to imagine how over protective her other half would be. It was bad enough without a baby in the equation.   
"Does it?"  
He asked solemnly. She turned to face him.  
"Well, yeah. I mean, come on. She's perfectly able to control her own body,"  
"Yes, but he's just concerned, it doesn't mean he doesn't respect that,"  
"And would you?"  
She hated hypotheticals but she needed to ask.  
"Well, I'd have to. You know best what's going on within your own body don't you?"  
"Textbook answer,"  
She smiled. He looked very pleased with himself.  
"You heard about Mark?"  
"No, what?"  
"He's in a coma. I mean, I know it's inevitible but Elizabeth's pretty upset,"  
"She's 6 months pregnant and facing being on her own, I think pretty upset just about covers it!"  
It did seem like a pathetic understatement. Abby felt deeply sorry for Elizabeth. She deserved better than this. Raising her family alone wouldn't be easy for her. Some people just had the inherent strength to manage it - and Abby sensed that Elizabeth was one of those people.   
"Abby?"  
She turned to face him, all her doubts and her fears about her own life, about their relationship etched on her face. He smiled tenderly.  
"I know it's difficult...but I'm here..O.K?"  
"It's not that,"  
"No?"  
"I've got something to tell you,"  
He looked at her expectantly, she was almost too nervous to continue.  
"I'm pregnant,"  
She said decidedly. She was happy but somewhere it tore at her, the fears of this child being bipolar, the fears that the hormonal imbalance during pregnancy would trigger it in her.  
"That's...that's..."  
He took her to him, sealing her in his embrace. She felt glowing. She was happy. She was. Their child, created out of love.   
"I think the word you're searching so valiantly for is wonderful, Luka,"  
He nodded his agreement and she rested comfortably in the circle of his arms, warm and loved.  



	6. Don't Dream It's Over

"Don't Dream It's Over"  
  
Usual disclaimers apply. Title isn't mine either.  
  
"You ready to do this, hon?"  
Elizabeth asked gently, taking Rachel's hand in her own. They'd sat by Marks' bedside for hours, just contemplating, lost in their own private thoughts. But they'd made the decision that the time had come to let him go. And much as it hurt her, she knew it was the right thing to do. Nothing would ever take away the pain this caused. She was more than prepared for that.She was less sure of Rachels' emotional state to cope. Rachel nodded slowly, tightening her fingers over Elizabeths. The doctor, a still and respectful figure in the room until now, stepped forward. Without a word, anything he said would sound pathetically false, he removed the ventilator plug. Elizabeth watched as the man she loved so dearly died, his chest rising less and less with every breath, his life ebbing away. She felt her heart shatter as if it were glass, knowing there was no way back for them now. She rested her head on his chest, listening to the fading heartbeat. Eventually, the constant shriek of the flatline pierced the silence and made it all too real to bear.   
"Goodbye, dad,"  
Rachel's voice was poignantly small over the other noise. It was an intensely private moment for them both. Elizabeth mouthed the words silently, still afraid of them. The doctor switched off the heart monitor, wrote something on the chart and left. In her head, Elizabeth could hear the words "Time of death - 15:14" as clear as if they'd actually been uttered. Her wonderful, loving husband who'd suffered so much it wasn't fair, had died. He was lost to her forever. She wouldn't share the joy of their family with him, she would never again feel the security of his love around her. Tears soaked into the blankets beneath her cheeks, she wasn't aware of crying. She was numbed, the hole inside her widening by the second. She felt terribly, hopelessly empty.  
****  
"Mark died, Abby,"  
Abby practically dropped her coffee cup. It wasn't so much the shock of his death, more the shock of the frank tone it had been delivered in.  
"When?"  
"About 15 minutes ago, Isobel came down to tell us,"  
"How's Elizabeth?"  
It was a stupid question.  
"I don't know,"  
"I knew this was coming, I mean, we all did...it's weird though - he's really gone,"  
"I know what you mean,"  
"Mark's always been around,"  
It was true. He'd practically been put in with the fittings. It shouldn't happen to people like him. To people like Elizabeth either - now left behind, pregnant and alone. Abby knew Elizabeth was strong but she didn't think anyone could be that strong. She hoped that she was wrong.  
****  
"Deb, Deb, you awake?"  
She stirred slightly at the touch on her shoulder. She felt him sit down next to her.  
"I've got to tell you something, I thought you'd want to know,"  
"What?"  
She muttered, her voice and her mind still sleepy.   
"Mark died,"  
Her nod was small, tears silently springing to her eyes.   
"It was time to let him go,"  
She continued to nod, and tears began to fall. For Elizabeth more than anything. They'd all lost a colleague and at most a friend - she'd lost the love of  
her life. Jing-Mei considered that. She'd found hers too and the thought of ever losing him made her cry harder. 


	7. Her Lover's Gone

"Her Lover's Gone"  
  
The funeral was understandably the most miserable day of her life. She was saying goodbye to the love of her life. Ella was too young to fully understand where Daddy was and that he wouldn't be coming back and her innocence made it all the more difficult for Elizabeth to bear. She was relieved when the public part was over, the last mourner gone from their house, and she could begin her own private, grieving process. The house echoed with him, memories of their life together, when everything was still going well for them. He'd asked her when she was pregnant with Ella, during the first illness, whether she'd keep the baby if he didn't make it. She had dismissed the question then, out of hand, she had firmly believed that what they had would never be broken. Now, it appeared those hopes were utterly pathetic. She wouldn't be happy. Someone, somewhere had something against it. Elizabeth had prided herself on being a strong person, independent and individual. But everyone thrived on love - on loving and on being loved and she had lost that feeling, lost that strength. She had to make it through this for her baby but that night, knowing her lover was truly gone, dead and buried, she doubted whether she truly could.  
****  
"I just wish there was something I could do..."  
She felt his arm slip around her shoulders and felt a pang of guilt that she still had him.   
"Deb, don't tear yourself up over it...There's nothing..."  
"I know, I know,"  
She nodded silently, and kept repeating the words under her breath. Love, fragile as it was, kept us strong and made us happy. You could deny it, but in that moment Jing-Mei knew it to be true. Not only for her, but tragically for Elizabeth. She laid her head on his shoulder and they walked onwards towards home. She was terrified. Her life was about to change and stupidly enough, she wasn't ready. This baby was a new start for both of them.   
****  
Abby felt awful about being happy, when everyone around was so miserable but something inside her was blooming and she couldn't help herself. She was sad, desperately so, because he was dead. Mark Greene, ER stalwart, family man and all round nice guy was dead and that wasn't right.   
"That was horrible,"  
She stated, through a mouthful of toothpaste as she got ready for bed.  
"It was,"  
Luka agreed with her from through the door.  
"I can't help being happy but it's making me feel guilty,"  
"Abby, it's O.K to be pleased,"  
"Yeah, but a man died, Luka,"  
"And you're sad for him and for Elizabeth aren't you? It's not like you aren't grieving too,"  
She spat into the sink and straightened up, staring into the misted mirror at herself. Why was he so practical all the time? 


	8. Age Of Innocence

"Age Of Innocence"  
  
The final chapter. This is where it all ends. It's a bit sickly sweet, but not being  
a mother myself, it's purely imagined. I hope you like it.   
I own nothing and no - one (except David Alexander Greene and Lucy Mae  
Chen)  
  
Lying there, drenched in sweat, exhausted beyond belief, she looked down on  
her daughter with a mother's love. He stood beside her, gazing in disbelief  
alternatively at her and the baby.   
"I did it,"  
"Yes, you did. I'm so proud of you,"  
His hand swept away the stray strands of soaked hair from her forehead  
tenderly. The genuine affection in his voice was touching.   
"What are you going to call her?"  
She smiled. The baby's tiny fingers curled round her own pinky.   
"I thought...I know this is stupid..if you don't mind..."  
She spoke in fragmented sentences, unsure how he'd react to her idea. She  
thought it would be lovely tribute but she wasn't sure he'd agree. He might  
want to leave it well alone.  
"What?"  
"Well, I like the name Lucy,"  
She saw tears well up at the side of his eyes. She smiled hopefully, praying  
they were simply tears of joy.  
"That's lovely,"  
"You don't mind?"  
"Why would I? I think it's a lovely tribute,"  
"I know she's been gone a long time...."  
She spoke tentatively.   
"Deb, it's O.K. I love it and so would she,"  
Lucy's eyes closed in her wrinkled face. She smiled. One day, one day, she'd  
give him a child of his own. She couldn't just have one. There was no way she  
could beat this feeling.  
"Shall I go and tell the awaiting crowd?"  
She nodded, finding it increasingly difficult to keep her eyes open.  
"Do you want me to take her?"  
He lifted the weight from her arms. She saw him briefly before she fell asleep -  
cradling the child like a natural. She was definitely in a good thing here she  
thought happily.  
He wandered into the ER, walking tentatively through the crowded corridors,  
hoping not to wake Lucy unnecessarily. The first person he bumped into  
happened to be his former mentor, Benton. The surgeon was coming out of  
one of the exam rooms on his way back to admit.  
"Hey, Carter, you did it, man,"  
He felt the hand on his shoulder in an almost fatherly gesture. He looked up at  
Benton, who was smiling widely. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen it before but  
Carter thought he detected pride in the mans eyes.  
"Not really. Deb did all the work,"  
"I never thought I'd see the day. You're a dad,"  
"Weird isn't it?"  
He had allowed the lie that it was his to extend to the ER staff. After going  
through the pregnancy with Deb, he almost felt it was his. It was, in every way  
bar the biological factor.  
"What is it?"  
Benton gestured to the shawled bundle.  
"It's a little girl,"  
"She got a name yet?"  
"She's called Lucy,"  
Benton looked sideways at him for a second, but seeing no doubt in his eyes,  
relaxed again.   
"Hi, Lucy,"  
Benton bent over the baby momentarily, displaying a softer side developed  
from being a father himself.   
"Say well done to Jing-Mei for me..."  
The surgeon walked away briskly. Some people still had work to do. He  
wandered through the ER, bathing in the reflected glory of his daughter.   
****  
"Mark! Mark!"  
Elizabeth screamed into the darkness, expecting her husband to rush to her  
side. He wouldn't of course. Ella heard her and started screaming too.  
"Elizabeth, Elizabeth, ssshh, it's alright,"  
She felt her mother stroke her hair gently.  
"Mother, we're having our baby,"  
She looked down at her swollen stomach.   
"Well, I'm driving,"  
Her face drained of blood, her body weak, Elizabeth managed a half smile. Her  
mother grabbed the car keys.  
"What about Ella?"  
"It's alright. We'll take her with us,"  
Elizabeth, helped upright by her mother, watched Ella lifted out of bed. She  
saw her daughters quizzical eyes. They made slow progress to the car. Once  
she saw Elizabeth seated comfortably in the front seat, and Ella safe in the  
back, Isobel Corday climbed in and turned on the ignition. Elizabeth did her  
best to control the contractions, breathing the way she had when Ella was  
born.  
"Elizabeth!"  
Kerry greeted her with some surprise. Lily rushed out pushing a wheelchair.   
"Kerry,"  
Elizabeth acknowledged the redhead with some effort. Somehow she managed  
to climb into the wheelchair. Isobel scooped Ella out of the car and followed  
them into the hospital.   
"Hi there, honey, what you doing up at this time of night?"  
Abby spoke to the puzzled little girl, bundled over her grandmothers shoulder.  
"Isobel?"  
She questioned.  
"Elizabeths in labor,"  
Abby nodded and offered her arms to Ella.  
"You'll take her? Thank you, thank you,"  
Isobel sounded relieved. Abby took the little girl and sat her on her hip to  
watch her grandma rush away.  
"Your mom's gonna give you a little brother or sister soon. Won't that be  
nice?"  
Abby spoke slowly, gently, smoothing Ella's ruffled auburn hair. She turned  
and walked towards the lounge.  
"You tired, honey? Let's see if we can't find you somewhere nice to sleep,"  
She tucked the little girl up on the sofa in the lounge and sat with her,  
watching her sleep. Ella couldn't possibly understand what was going on.  
Abby admired that innocence, so fragile, so brief. She touched her own slightly  
rounded stomach gently. This time there was no way she'd let the child go.   
  
It was 10 hours before David Greene made his squawling entrance into the  
world. His mother was shattered. It was a tougher labor than Ella. She  
watched, drained, as her mother paced the room, her grandson wrapped in  
the customary white shawl, trying to quiet him.  
"You were never this noisy,"  
Isobel said suddenly, looking up at her daughter. Elizabeth was asleep, her  
head resting against the pillows, her hair charmingly ruffled. She looked  
delicate, like a child herself. Yet her daughter was the strongest person Isobel  
knew she'd ever met. She'd raised Ella alone. She'd raise David alone. Mark,  
the only man her Lizzie had ever truly loved, had been snatched from her  
cruelly. Isobel felt a pang of sympathy for her child. To see your offspring so  
cruelly treated by life would break any mothers heart. Hers had broken over  
and over for Elizabeth in the past months. But Lizzie was still living. And here,  
she'd brought this beautiful baby boy into the world, all by herself. Pride  
swelled uncontrollably in her heart. She laid David into the cot by the bedside  
and left quietly.  
"She had a little boy, about an hour ago, mother and child doing fine,"  
"Aww, what's he called?"  
"David,"  
Abby smiled and nodded.   
"Send her my congratulations,"  
"As soon as she's awake,"  
Isobel, weary herself, sat down on the leather couch beside Ella. Abby checked  
on them 15 minutes later and they were both asleep. Abby stopped everyone  
else from entering. She went to admit to spread the good news.  
"Elizabeth had a little boy called David, mother and child both fine,"  
She reported, matter of fact, glowing inside. One day it'd be her. The nurses  
grinned widely went back to work cheerier than before. Elizabeth deserved it.  
****  
Abby stared at the ER, her mind miles away. She started slightly when arms  
slid gently round her waist.   
"Good news about Elizabeth huh?"  
"It's lovely,"  
She knotted her hands over his.  
"Just sad Mark isn't around,"  
Old doubts surfaced again. She was nervous about her own pregnancy. She  
hadn't been pregnant when the other two announced their imminent new  
arrivals. That didn't disappoint her. The ER would be too awash with baby  
fever. Lucy Mae had arrived the day before David Alexander. Her friends were  
happy. Now, or soon, it'd be her turn to see what it felt like.  
"But I am. And I'm looking forward to the day..."  
"Yeah, so am I," 


End file.
